Monday, February 12, 2007

It's now 4am and yet I dont feel the desire nor the urge to get some sleep. Hahas.

Not bad. I succeeded in skipping dinner for the past 2 days already. Lols. Dont really feel that hungry. Neither do I have the mood to feel hungry. Listless and moody. Must be pms again I suppose. Hahas. Like everyday also pms likett sia. I thought on friday I was still rather high. Only 2 days.

Hms. It was about 3 plus am when I went through my msn contact list to see which buggers were like me. Had nth better to do, staying online. Zan explains it as people who has issues that has more issues would stay up at this time.

And so I msg-ed a JC junior of mine, in fact she's in the council as well to see how she was doing. I was curious what she was doing as well. Then I was informed that she's flying off later in the day, at 3pm to Aust. Melbourne for further studies. Fast wors. Alevel results not even out already planned finished. Hahas. Anyway. I told her I would go and send her off. Lols.

Time really flies. It seems just a recent event, the day I went into JC. Awhile ago when I joined the Council. Even nearer when I was enlisted. Looking back, everything seems like a zoom. Time for one isnt one who would stop for anyone, for any reason. Time for one is optimistic. Always leaning forward. Moving positively. Never the opposite.

Perhaps we should learn to be like our dear friend Time. Flow front. Be daring to lead our lives and not always hesitate. Undecisiveness is a sin to Time. We often grow mature over time (or so we thought.) and through experience, learnt to listen to our mind. But along our journey with Time, we stopped listening to what our heart has to say. Do we? Do we always stop and consider what our inital instinct wants us to do? Do we always reason or play with logic each time? Do we follow what our heart yearns to follow? I wonder.

There's so many issues that I handled so differently from what my heart desires. Logic and reason are usually the factor affecting. What my heart desires always seems so unpractical. Unfeasible. And mostly, un-performable. Ah. Sometimes I question myself, what would happen if one day, I stop to reason, but instead purely follow my instincts? What kind of result would that produce? I dread to take the risk, for I fear the pessimistic outcomes. Or probably, that's why people hesitates.

I wish I had a life free from regrets. But I have already failed so far. The best I could do is to cope with the present. To forge a better future.

Ymh. Sometimes, you need to learn to know what you need to know yet you dont know.

I really dont know.

awaitin` destiny silently__] *at* 3:55 AM